Consent

Consent is

Consent is an agreement between people BEFORE they engage in any kind of sexual activity.

  • Consent IS people deciding together to do the same thing, at the same time, in the same way, with each other. This is true for long-term partners, as well as for people hooking up.
  • Consent IS actual words or conduct indicating a clear, sober, agreement (given freely and knowingly) to have sexual intercourse, or to participate in sexual activities.
  • Consent is NOT silent. It means mutual communication.
  • Consent is NOT assuming what your partner does or does not want.
  • Consent is NOT a “yes” from fear, pressure, doubt, drug or alcohol intoxication. Your partner must be conscious, aware and able to communicate with you.
  • Consent IS hot.

You Know You Have Consent When

Yes means yes. If you have an enthusiastic yes, then you have consent.

You Know You Don’t Have Consent When

If you don’t have a clear and sober yes, you don’t have consent.Consent is invalid when it is coerced, intimidated, threatened, forced, or when given by a mentally or physically incapacitated person.

  • An intoxicated or unconscious person may not be able to give consent
  • A person must be eighteen or older to have consensual sex.
  • Continued requests or verbal pressure for sexual activity can be coercive and/or intimidating and may invalidate consent.

Sex under these circumstances would be considered a sexual assault. For more formation, click here.

Other Signs You Don’t Have Consent
  • NO
  • Not now
  • Maybe later
  • I’m seeing someone
  • No thanks
  • You’re not my type
  • *#^+ Off!
  • I’d rather be alone right now
  • Don’t touch me
  • I really like you, but…
  • Let’s just sleep/snuggle
  • I don’t know
  • I’m not sure
  • I’ve (or You’ve) been drinking
  • SILENCE

Consent is never final. . It can be given, and taken away. This applies for any hook-up or physically intimate situation, however long the relationship, and whatever acts are happening (or not).

Make Consent Sexy

Show your partner that you respect her/him enough to ask about sexual needs and desires. If you aren’t used to talking directly about sex and sexual activity the first few times may feel awkward. But, practice makes perfect. Be creative and spontaneous.  The more often you talk about it, the more comfortable it will get. Your partner may also find the situation awkward at first, but over time you will both be more comfortable, and you’ll find the fun in making consent sexy.

For tools, tips and tricks to get you started on getting consent (and making it fun!), check out these reources

Step Up Your Game – The Consensual Project

Driver’s Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

 

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